Brain Food
by EffulgentInara
Summary: A series of short looks at different characters lending a hand in the Whispering Rock kitchen.
1. Ford

**Part one of what will be a small series exploring different characters' turns at cooking. Everything but the bacon belongs to Double Fine.**

--Ford--

Milla approached the window into the camp's kitchen with a cautious smile on her face.

"Ah, Miss Vodello! How are you doing today? Keeping all our little psy-cadets on their toes?"

"Oh, fine, everything's fine. I just thought I would check on you, you know. See how you're doing with the psitanium and all."

"Everything's fine and dandy." he sighed happily. "It's so nice to get some fresh air, get a chance to really cook for the kids instead of just wandering around playing about being a cook."

"About that..."

"Oh yes, how do you like today's dinner?"

"Well, that's why I came over to talk to you. It's uh...interesting. What do you call it?"

"It's my specialty - Bacon Surprise!"

"Ford, honey, it seems to just be bacon wrapped around more bacon."

"Bacon wrapped around bacon wrapped around _**cheese**_." he corrected her. "And it seems to be going over pretty well, if I do say so myself."

"Well, yes, but this can't be healthy for the..."

"Mister Cruller?" a small voice interrupted.

Milla turned to see the entire camp standing behind her holding empty plates.

"Are there seconds?"

Ford grinned triumphantly and began handing out another round of Bacon Surprise.


	2. Oleander

See first chapter for standard disclaimers...

**Coach Oleander**

"Eat up, campers! Tonight's meal is a nutritious meat-free stew, packed with lots of protein and fortified with everything a growing Psi-cadet needs!" Morceau Oleander beamed with pride as the campers settled in at the tables of the main lodge with their food trays.

Predictably, none of the campers were overly thrilled by this description. Even Clem and Crystal had stopped smiling for a brief moment.

Lili leaned over her tray and sniffed.

"It...it's food, right?"

Raz poked at the gelatinous grey lump on his plate suspiciously.

"Maybe."

When Sasha and Milla entered the lodge a few minutes later, most of the campers were still staring at the unidentifiable lumps on their trays. Cautious whispers and a scraping noise from a few of the braver children poking at their dinners filled the air.

"How is Morry's dinner?" Milla smiled brightly as she and her partner sat down at Raz and Lili's table with their plates.

"I think he's trying to kill us all again."

"It can't be that bad, Razputin." her bright smile faded a little as she poked at her food.

"Someone has to try some - we don't want to hurt his feelings." Lili frowned, glancing over at the oblivious coach humming to himself as he tidied the kitchen.

"It...really doesn't look good..."

"You are all being ridiculous. I'm sure it's perfectly fine - just because it looks unpleasant doesn't mean it will taste unpleasant." Sasha stabbed a grey lump and frowned at it for a moment. "Granted, it would be difficult for something to taste as unpleasant as this looks..."

A hush fell over the campers, every pair of eyes riveted on the senior Psychonaut. The grey chunk of stew made a rubbery squeak like a squeegee against a window as he bit into it and chewed. And chewed. It seemed to be a strangely long time before he finally swallowed with some effort, and sat in silence for a moment.

"Well?"

"I don't think he was discharged from the chef corps for being too short..."

Sasha stood up and left the lodge quickly, several shades paler than usual.

The campers were still sitting in silence, not even daring to poke the food anymore, when Ford Cruller joined them. Humming a pleasant tune to himself, he grabbed a dish of stew and sat down in the recently vacated seat next to Milla.

"Ah, nice to have a night off, let someone else cook for a change. So, what's Morry cooked up for us tonight?" he rubbed his hands together enthusiastically.

"Some kind of health food thing." Raz looked at the grey mush on his plate and sighed. "It's supposed to be all nutritious and stuff."

"Well, that's good – we certainly want all our little psi-cadets to stay healthy. I just saw Agent Nein outside, and we don't want anyone to catch that nasty stomach flu he seems to have picked up."


End file.
